Crustacean Cataclysm
by lisaisanut
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the Hunger Games crossed with Honey I Shrunk The Kids would be like? Nope, I thought not, but this story is basically that, so if you aren't a fun of giant Woodlice, don't read this story. If you are a fan of giant Woodlice, you have some weirdly specific interests.


Blood dripped steadily off the head of my mace, the massacre had been a complete success, outlier alliances didn't stand a chance against the combined might of five careers. We hadn't even waited for the cover of darkness, daylight only gave them a marginal advantage and we were restless. Their loss.

"How many left?" asked the District Four male wearily. He enjoyed this the least, and absentmindedly picked pieces of scalp from the prongs of his trident. Because obviously he'd have trained with a trident. Ridiculous fish people.

"Four, at last count," my partner from District Two replied, "The pair from Seven, the idiot volunteer from Nine, and that brat that thinks she's stuck in a fantasy world."

"What're we going to do when it's just us?" asked the kid from District One, for some inconceivable reason she'd figured that her training had reached it's peak and she should volunteer years early. She was a naive moron.

"What we do best," growled her partner, who took such grotesque pleasure in killing it was miraculous he'd only slaughtered one of us thus far; the other idiot from Four who'd objected to our killing of others not nearly as much as she objected to us bashing her head in when she chose to leave.

"We should probably think about keeping watch for the mutts," I said, stretching out against a twenty-five foot blade of grass. We hadn't yet agreed whether the arena was oversized, or whether we'd been shrunk. It would've made a great comedy, unfortunately, it wasn't quite as funny when you realised the edge of the grass was so sharp you could slice your flesh open on it, and whenever you saw a ladybird you had to worry about it stepping on you.

"Mutts are nothing!" the District One Male barked, "The Capitol don't got to send 'em after us, we are the star players, it's the scum from the outer districts that need slaughterin' like the animals they is!"

"They are," I corrected him lazily, keeping my fist firmly clenched around the grip of my weapon.

"Get bent!"

"There's no need for that"

"Eat shit!"

"Good talk," I said, settling into my makeshift bed.

* * *

Boom!

I shot up, the stars glistening against the inky black sky, the District Four Male looked over at me from where he was perched on watch. We hadn't expected any cannons that night, the remaining tributes were useless, we hadn't even-

Boom!

The kid from District One leapt up from her nest of dock leaves, swinging the dagger she swore was useful through the air, ready to defend against an unseen enemy.

"What was that?!" she screeched, disoriented from sleep, twigs sticking out of her hair at odd angles.

"Calm down, kid, it's just some cannons," I said, though I could feel my heart beating in my chest. Who the hell was killing the outliers? I glanced over at where the District One Male had settled. He was still there, sound asleep beneath a Dandelion head. Typical.

Boom!

"What the hell is this?!" the District Four male exclaimed, his trident shining in the moonlight as he leaped down from the huge pebble he'd been sat on and approached me. He was too trusting.

"Did you see anything?" I asked, securing my mace and accepting his outstretched hand, pulling me to my feet.

"Unless you count Woodlice the size of an elephant, no," he frowned, scanning the distant horizon, though through the denseness of the forest of grass, nothing much was visible.

"Could it be the mutts?" the kid asked, her voice quivering. Seriously, why the hell was she here?

"Yes," the District Four Male and I replied, simultaneously. He smiled and looked away from me. Emotions. Gross.

"That's the only thing it could be," I continued flatly, looking her dead in the eye. "I hope you're ready to face whatever comes at us." She looked as though she was about ready to soil herself.

Boom!

My District Partner shot up, shaking his head blearily. He was late to the party.

"What's going on?!" he yelped, scrambling to locate his broadsword in the shadow of the fallen rose petal he slept beneath. Our clearing had no end of suitable sleeping locations.

"Death," I replied, "We're not entirely sure why, it's probably the mutts. One outlier left"

Boom!

"No outliers left," I corrected myself.

"Please don't hurt me," the kid whispered.

"Shut up," I snapped.

"That's not very nice, she has the same right to be afraid as any of us," the District Four Male began.

"No, seriously, shut up! I can hear something!" I warned, cocking my head to one side.

The group hushed, straining to hear the faint pitter patter of many, many feet in the distance. I glanced at the District Four Male, his eyes met mine.

"Woodlice the size of elephants?" I recalled. His face dropped.

"That's just undignified," he grumbled.

"Look!" shrieked the kid, brandishing her knife and pointing into the grass. In the distance, a mere twenty metres from us and closing, was a horde of gigantic Woodlice, human blood splattering off their feet and covering their segmented exoskeletons.

"Run!" I yelled, turning on my heel and sprinting in the opposite direction.

"Wazzgoinon?" the District One Meathead mumbled from his bed of leaves, opening his eyes just in time to see the huge foot of the lead Woodlouse come down with colossal force on his face.

Boom!

I looked back, the Meathead's skull had been crushed like an egg and his grey, oozing brain matter was stuck to the poor crustacean's foot. I hadn't even realised he had enough brains to splatter.

The District Four Male and my partner kept pace with one another, our powerful legs honed from years of training, nothing could stop us, we were a force to be reckoned with, trained killers and strategists that-

"Help me!" screamed the kid from One. We turned and groaned, she was so far back the Woodlice were practically on top of her, she was barely fast enough to stay ahead, their antenna brushing her back and grazing her exposed arms.

"I'm going to help!"

The District Four Male was an even bigger idiot than I thought.

He turned and ran back where we came, grabbing the arm of the brat and yanking her behind him before gripping his trident and shoving it with tremendous force towards the lead Woodlouse. I admit, he looked damn hot when his muscles bulged and he utilised his keen strength against that creature, unfortunate then that his weapon merely bounced off it's thick armour plating.

"Oh," he managed, before the Woodlouse plowed straight over him. That's what you get for protecting the weak. What an utter waste, he'd have made a great opponent during the final battle.

Boom!

"I want my mummy!" screamed the kid. I didn't even look back.

Boom!

I could hear her frail body being utterly pulverised, each subsequent Woodlouse spreading her corpse further over the uneven ground. I had to hand it to the Gamemakers, this was at least a creative way to end the games.

My District Partner slammed into me and I was sent flying, landing hard against a blade of grass, slicing my arm open and narrowly avoiding a massive crop of thistle, it's spines needle-like and long as spears.

"What the hell?!" I screamed, regarding the deep wound on my forearm with absolute disdain, bringing my mace up to level with him. The woodlice were getting closer.

"Final two, and I'd rather go out like a career than be killed by a damn Woodlouse!" he said indignantly. He had a fair point.

"Fine," I said, ignoring the pain in my arm and barrelling at him, raising my weapon above me. I made a stupid mistake. The weight of it's head was too much and I couldn't slow it down in time. He side-stepped me and swung his sword with expert precision, slicing the back of my leg and tearing through the flesh like hot butter. Searing pain shot through my thigh, the rough ground scraping the skin off my forearms as I sought to break my fall.

"Sorry," he said, moving into striking position.

"No you aren't," I retorted, throwing a handful of dirt at his face. He closed his eyes reflectively and I grabbed my mace, jerking towards him it with as much force as I could muster at him from where I was slumped. It flew through the air and slammed into his chest, he stumbled back a few paces before his eyes went wide.

"Bollocks," he managed, as his mouth filled up with blood. "This was probably worse than the woodlouse." He looked down at the needle sharp spines of the thistle speared through his torso.

"Probably," I nodded at him. He might've smiled if he wasn't dead.

Boom!

I won. The woodlice stopped. They were mere metres from me. When they weren't barrelling towards you like an unstoppable force, they were actually kinda cute. I stretched out my uninjured arm to the closest, hoping to pet it. In an instant, it curled up into a shiny ball, larger than even the bigger boulder.

"Please don't roll," I said, as the ball totally ignored me. "Damn it," I swore, as the ball crushed me and splattered my innards over the dirt.

* * *

"What do we do now?" asked a Gamemaker, as his boss buried his face in his hands and sighed.


End file.
